i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
