He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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