Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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