READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
