Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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