the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize