Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
