We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
