But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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