Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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