so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
