what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
