I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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