just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
