his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
you never un-have a 4some
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
