Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
