So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize