We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
