Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
