no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
