you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
