guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
