Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize