if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
