I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
