oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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