just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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