normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
