pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
