Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You smell like stripper and shame
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
