do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
