We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize