Can Purell be used as lube?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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