All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
