Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
