Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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