She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
