I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry about my life...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize