the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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