Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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