FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
