I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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