Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
