I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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