You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
