Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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