Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
