I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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