She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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