Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
