AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize