me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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