he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
