literally had 100 drinks last night.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
