i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
