I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
