like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
