Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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