i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
