I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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