Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
