Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
