Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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