I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
