You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
