it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
