It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
