The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
