Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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