never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
