he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
