sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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