Your face is a jimmy john
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
