so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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