If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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