On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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