I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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