im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
