woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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