Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
