yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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