Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
