About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
