I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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