I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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