i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
