i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And then my night got REAL pukey
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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