At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
