Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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