Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
