how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
