he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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