WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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