im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
