1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
