now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
