I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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