she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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