So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
